January 15, 2001

• I am dead inside. I think the effort of trying to control my emotions has reached the point that I no longer feel. The last thing I remember feeling was intense shame. I am always doing something wrong and always creating anger and dissention in others. So I don't feel anymore. The only sensation I am really aware of is the slight pain on the tip of my tongue from where I run my tongue over the side of my teeth. I try not to do it, but I must be doing while I am asleep. Actually, it is rather a comfort, I suppose. Like the feeling I get when my arms are all scabbed over from scratching. I know that I am still here because I hurt some times. What happens when the pain isn't there anymore?

  • 11:24 am
  • 1 Comment