February 8, 2001

  • A saddness has been with me all day despite the flurry of activity that has occurred around here.  Some days, even being alive is just so much of an effort.  It is harder when the kids are all home, and a couple of extra ones are thrown in to the mix.  I don't want them to see where I am.  So the "Suzie Homemaker" mask is thrown up and covers me.


    At times I wonder which is louder, the voices of the kids, or the voices inside my head?  The inner weirdos, as I have heard them reffered as.  I long for silence, but can never totally achieve it. 


    Is there really an angel watching over me?  Angels were always something I felt drawn to.  Are they out there, or are they the voices inside my head?


    This angel is from sewdoll.com.  I hope that she will bring peace into my life.

Comments (4)

  • I just wrote something on how the moon seems to be affecting a lot of us right now, maybe this has some part to play in how you are feeling. I believe in Angels, I think they know when we needs them even before we do :-)

  • I just read your whole journal, and at this point I just want to hug you and tell you things will get better for you. With all my heart, I hope they do. Keep going to the doc and keep taking the medications. I spent a year of my life in the hole you are in... with the "dead feeling" and wearing the "Susie Homemaker mask." There is reason to hope... hang in and keep writing.

  • Blueangel... you are a child of a Heavenly Father who loves you and knows your name... the trials you face are an important part of his eternal plan for your happiness... as a mother, you fulfill the most important of any given to mankind, and because the rewards are the greatest, so are the challenges... As a women you have an abundance of very basic values that you will struggle to understand throughout your life... good luck in the search!

    Faith: I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I will have faith in his eternal plan... (See D&C 14:7.)

    Divine Nature: I have inherited divine qualities which I will strive to develop. (See 2 Peter 1:4-7.)

    Individual Worth: I am of infinite worth with my own divine mission which I will strive to fulfill. (See D&C 18:10.)

    Knowledge: I will continually seek opportunities for learning and growth. (See D&C 88:118.)

    Choice and Accountability: I will remain free by choosing good over evil and will accept responsibility for my choices. (See Joshua 24:15.)

    Good Works: I will nurture others and build the kingdom through righteous service.(See 3 Nephi 12:16.)

    Integrity: I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong. (See Job 27:5.)

  • Be strong and cling to whatever keeps you going.  For me, it's my son.

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