February 20, 2001

• I don't know if I am going to be able to stay much longer.  It is getting harder and harder to sit and keep my mouth shut while I get ranted and raved at.  I have been relegated to the same status as a child.  He resents me totally because I don't get up each morning and go to work.  I don't bring an income into this household, so therefore I am not entitled to spend it either.  My time should be spent solely in the up keep of this house and in the ensurance that our children are behaving in the manner deemed proper by the lord and master of this house.  He resents me more and more with each passing day.  And yet I am useful to him.  Only briefly though.  If I got off my butt and returned to  work, and keeping the house, then I would be entitled to have some say in things around here.  I don't exist.  I don't know why the Hell I am still alive.  I wish I could honestly say it was for my children.  But I am so selfish, I cannot even do that.  I think I have become so successful at keeping to rest of the world out, that I no longer even allow my children in.  I don't exist, except as a shell.

  • 12:33 am
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