February 28, 2001
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I really am an ass! I never noticed it before, but kind of had my face shoved in it tonight. <sigh> Why don't I ever learn?
It is funny too. I ralized today that as far as some people are concerned, I am invisable. And it really stung to realize that, but then again, that is something I have been striving for, so I don't know why it hurt.
I need to go away. I need to disappear. My kids need to forget about me and learn that I am not a good parent. I am lacking to courage to do anything though. I really wish that someone would just come along and put me out of this misery. The part of the world that I touch and that acknowledges my existance would be so much better off without it.
Comments (4)
Janet, that's bullshit and you know it. Sorry if that sounds harsh...Imagine Caitlyn without you. Or Adam, or espescially Maryssa.Depression distorts your self image. You know that. Don't give in to the messages that it tells you. Please.
You also know that I may be 3000 miles away, but I'm never further away than your telephone. I know that you don't like using it, but I also know that you know how to use one if you have to
Love n' hugs,
Nora
your kids would not exist without you, and you know that not everything is so negative. there are things which would not be the same without your presence, without anyone's presence. you have influenced your own growth and the growth of those around you, and without every experience, you would not live in the same world. you have to appreciate the good in the little things that you take for granted every day in order to see that it is not worth leaving a world so full of beauty and love.
I have similar problems as you...you know that? I think of myself as a badmother often enough. Its quite sad. But you know you're doing your very best and that's enough. I know how you feel...soooo much...*hugs*. Please don't give up.
Nora has a major point. Imagine your husband trying to raise your kids. You know what boneheads men are. You are a fabulous mom, and although your children, like your husband, don't always show their love in the best possible way, they adore you.
I would like you to make just one post where you say three nice things about yourself. How about your May 1st post?
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