A quote that I found on Night Owl Craftes:

"Without art the crudeness of reality would make life unbearable."

How very true!

A question...What would you do?

Scenario:  Office building lobby, no public washrooms, in front of the elevators.  A woman arrives with a young child, the child coughs and without warning throws up.  What do you do?  

A laugh and look away?

B Ignore the whole situation and get on the next elevator to arrive, even though it is going down to the aprking levels?

C Give mother a disgusted look and glare at child to register disdain?

D Offer to help, even if it is to offer a Kleenex to help clean child's hands?

When this happened yesterday, to Maryssa and I, nobody chose D but in the crowded lobby, all 3 of the other options were chosen.  Nobody offered my a Kleenex to help me to clean up her hands, which she had tried to catch it with.  And the looks we got when we tried to get onto an elevator to get up to our floor, where there was a bathroom, were evil.  I was expecting someone to suggest that we should wait for our "own" elevator.

The good part is that when we got up to our floor, she cleaned up well and was feeling much better the rest of the day, and I know what I will do the next time I see that happen near me.  Also, there was a janitor in the lobby, who I was able to inform and he got right on cleaning up the mess.  (And I got the guilty pleasure of seeing one woman, who was pretending this wasn't happening near her, despite flinching when Maryssa threw up, get her shoe heel coated in the stuff.)  The joys of dealing with other people in day to day living.  I think I would rather live in the deep woods instead.

 
HOW TO HANDLE STRESS

1. Jam 19 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze
them out.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says "Have a nice day!" tell them you had
other plans.

5. Forget the diet-center and send yourself a candy-gram.

6. Make a list of things that you have already done.

7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to
nursery school as if nothing was wrong.

8. Leaf through National Geographic and draw clothes on the
natives.

9. Go shopping, buy everything, sweat in it, and return it
the next day.

10. Pay your electric bill in pennies.

11. Drive to work in reverse.

12. Dance naked in front of your pets.

13. Bill your doctor for time spent in the waiting room.

14. Tattoo "Out To Lunch" on your forehead.

15. Refresh yourself; put your tongue on a cold, steel
guardrail.

16. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal
messages.

17. Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it
gets back to you.

18. Write a short story using alphabet soup.

19. Stare at people through the lines of a fork and pretend
they are in jail.

20. Make up a language and ask people for directions.

21. Retaliate for tax woes by filing your tax forms with
Roman numerals.

What is reality?  Is what I see as real, the same as what you see?  Do you see LOSER tattooed on my forehead?

It is strange that I have lived that past few years making a real effort to be invisible again.  Now, I am afraid that being invisible is going to pull me back into the abyss that I have tried to escape.  I no longer have anywhere to turn.  Nobody wants to hear me, of even acknowledge that I am in pain.  Nobody knows what is running inside my head.  Nobody knows how strong the desire is to just leave it all behind.  There are voices inside telling me just how bad I am, and yet I can still look back and see some sunshine.  I don't feel it.  And there is a very thick pane of glass between me and everyone else, but I can still remember that it once was there.  I don't want to fight for its return anymore.  I simply wish to step out of this existance and into...?  I don't know if there is a place to step into anymore.

Oh, the moon report... 35 out of 35. 

Still here.  And another boring post of drivel.  I never was very good at writing while in school and never handed in reports until high school.  I can see now that had I had the resources of the internet and word processing, I may have been more inclined.  I suspect that could just be wishful thinking though.  The reason I mentioned that is because by default, I have become the editor of my children's school projects.  (I wrote a fantastic report on the Dietary Habits of the Ancient Greeks!  I got 90% on it too, however, my son received the credit.)  For the past three weeks, Adam has been aware of the need for a report on the moon.  Now, at grade 6, this doesn't have to be too in depth, but there is quite a lot of information out there that can be found and used to create a pretty comprehensive report.  I vowed that I was not doing this report for him.  I swore that I wasn't even going to edit it.  They could use the word processing program to check for spelling errors, and just leave me out of it.  Yeah right!  My husband was compelled to scream at Adam everyday regarding the status of his report.  So I was included in this tirade because I wasn't enforcing the laws that were being laid down.  As far as I was concerned, if Adam handed in a crappy report, then he could live with the consequences.  It didn't work that way.  I am not proud of the fact that Adam handed in a 17 page report today with his name on it, but very little of his own work in it.  It wasn't as if I didn't help him do any of the initial work either.  I found some books in the library for him, I did searches on the web and gave him a list of websites to visit.  He would call them up and stare at them, then declare them useless.  I wish I could have just left him alone and let him catch the flack.  But between him and the screaming from my "motivational" husband, I just couldn't.  The paper Adam wrote was a joke, but I fear that the one he handed in is more of one.  What am I teaching this kid?  It angers me that I don't have the backbone to stand up to Jim and tell him to shove off and leave it alone.  A 12 year old is old enough to understand that if he chooses not to do the work, he will have to suffer the consequences.  If he fails this topic, that doesn't reflect back onto me.  OK, I'll go bang my head on the wall and berate myself for being such a wimp.  Then I will go and try to catch up on my own overdue work.

Oh God, You who has the ability to stop a heart beat in an instant, and yet can also resurrect the stopped heart beats.  You who created life and brought us up from the primordial ooze we once wallowed in and allowed us to develop into thinking, caring human beings.  You who can do anything in less than the time it takes me to blink an eye...why?  Why was I created?  Why can my life force not be transferred to another one of Your creations?  Is there not another who is more deserving of time here on Earth?  Time to get to know You and time to worship You?  I once believed that there were no jokes in your creation, but now see that I am living one.  I don't know how to escape the mockery of You that I am.  I don't know why You are choosing to allow me to continue to exist in this blasphemy that my body is.  I cannot hear Your whisperings.  Am I missing something?  Is there something that You have wished me to see or know that would give me an inkling of what direction I must follow?  Lord, I look back upon my life and see the many, many times when I have tried to start afresh and yet have ended up in the same place I was before.  Is there no place for me here on Earth?  Is there no sanctuary?

On I trod, knowing simply that if I were not here, my dog would lie down and die because nobody would realize that he also existed in this house.  I hope that this simple task is not beyond my abilities to perform.