March 1, 2001

• Oh God, You who has the ability to stop a heart beat in an instant, and yet can also resurrect the stopped heart beats.  You who created life and brought us up from the primordial ooze we once wallowed in and allowed us to develop into thinking, caring human beings.  You who can do anything in less than the time it takes me to blink an eye...why?  Why was I created?  Why can my life force not be transferred to another one of Your creations?  Is there not another who is more deserving of time here on Earth?  Time to get to know You and time to worship You?  I once believed that there were no jokes in your creation, but now see that I am living one.  I don't know how to escape the mockery of You that I am.  I don't know why You are choosing to allow me to continue to exist in this blasphemy that my body is.  I cannot hear Your whisperings.  Am I missing something?  Is there something that You have wished me to see or know that would give me an inkling of what direction I must follow?  Lord, I look back upon my life and see the many, many times when I have tried to start afresh and yet have ended up in the same place I was before.  Is there no place for me here on Earth?  Is there no sanctuary?

  
  

  On I trod, knowing simply that if I were not here, my dog would lie down and die because nobody would realize that he also existed in this house.  I hope that this simple task is not beyond my abilities to perform.

  • 1:53 pm
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